if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
