Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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