Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
