I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
