I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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