I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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