as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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