Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
