he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
