What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
