you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
