You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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