So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
