Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize