I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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