I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
