I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
