No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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