Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
