how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize