Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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