I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
