I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
