3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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