The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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