My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
