Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
