OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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