Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
