i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
third nipple confirmed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
