I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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