you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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