the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
