Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
