He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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