3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
