So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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