im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
