I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
