She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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