8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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