I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
