my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
