dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
