woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
