I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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