when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
