trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
