Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
