I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
