so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
