please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize