My hand turned me down
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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