no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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