so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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