remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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