Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
