i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
