So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
as a side note pls kill me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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