I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
