Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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