So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BRING THE BAGELS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
