We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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