The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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