We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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