Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
