Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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