So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
