The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
