then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
