No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize