I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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