I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
