Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
