I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
