I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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