What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize