Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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