He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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