Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
