I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
