trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I deserve to be covered in dicks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize