If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
