I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
