I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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