I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
