is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
