Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
