Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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