new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
