Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
