No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
