She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
