If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
