Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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