Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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