dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
