No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize