Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
