shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
