i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
